Obed, you pace yourself so wisely

Mercury

eThekwini times

Obed, you pace yourself so wisely
December 9, 2005

By Greg Ardé

Dear Obed, greetings boet! I haven’t written for so long because, like you,
I’ve been busy campaigning. These pre-election bursts of energy are
something else, hey?

Imagine the awesome service delivery eThekwini’s residents would enjoy if we
had the same drive throughout the council term? But, that’s a ridiculous
notion. It makes absolute sense to save your energy for elections, to pace
yourself. Anyway, Obed, well done on the land thing. I know that your
surprise announcement about the R10 billion Phoenix East housing project was
sincere and pure coincidence just ahead of the elections. Another
coincidence was that you unveiled your grand plan to house the poor so soon
after you got such a drubbing from the shack dwellers in Sydenham.

Obed, I only wish I had some chums in the property business. Then I, too,
could gobble up the newspaper headlines with grand election promises. Well
done. I think it will reel in the votes. Alas, apart from my incredible
personality, I can’t offer the electorate much to sway the vote in my
favour. Of course, that is not meant to downplay the enormous pulling power
of tea and scones at my grandmother’s old-age home.

The old age home has become the nerve centre of my political campaign. It’s
my war room and the combatants, bless their cotton socks, look fresh from
the battlefield. I don’t know how they’re going to handle the poster wars
this election. I mean the opponents use some real cunning tactics. That
struggle icon, Amichand Rajbansi, produced a life-sized, head-to-toe poster
of himself last election.

*Outfit*

That won him thousands of votes and negated claims that his party was
one-man-and-a-fax-machine. Oops, I shouldn’t mention the fax machine, Obed.
I was chatting to the Bengal Tiger during the last elections and timidly
suggested that people were saying his was a one-man-and-a-fax-machine
outfit. Well, he blew his top. He said if I didn’t shut up about fax
machines he’d come down and give me a “duck” slap – whatever that is.

That’s what I like about you Obed: you don’t take things personally. Unlike
others we know who get all het up and call people racist every time they
can’t defend their actions. I like you Obed, even though I want your job. By
the way, you’ve given me a bit of ammunition for my mayoral campaign. I see
that all parties in council, bar the eThekwini Ecopeace party, voted
councillors a 5.75% salary increase. That’s great. You deserve 5.75% more
than you are getting now Obed. I know I would battle to come out on an
annual package of R578 681. I see that after deductions you take home a bit
more than my favourite city consultant: Visvin Reddy, who pulls in R40 000 a
month.

So much for the trite argument that consultants deserve more because they
don’t have job security. I see Visvin is on the ANC election list. Now
that’s what I call a win-win scenario: Visvin gambles his R37 000-a- month
exco salary by forsaking Rajbansi’s MF to flirt with the DA for a day.

Then in a headline grabbing move he defects to the ANC, which wins his ward.
He scores a R40 000-a-month job consulting to the city. Now he’s in the
running for a job as a R15 000-a-month councillor. And who says politics
doesn’t pay? I certainly plan to make it pay when I am elected!